Blinking is More in the Eyelids
by Eye of the Needle
Summary: Sequel to Chuckling An in depth look into Tom Riddle's schizoness, mpregs, slash, and general crackiness.  We've expanned it to make fun of...everything, really. 3 of 6 up REVIEW to get the last 3 chapters! cough kinda coauthored by Reasons for Laughing
1. Something baaaaaaaad

DISCLAIMER: We dun own Harry Potter, Honk!, Cinderella, Gravitation, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Willow, Anastasia, Sailor Moon, Yu Yu Hakusho (fandom, really, not so much anime), West Side Story, Wizard of Oz, The CRAPTASTIC MIC production of the Wizard of Oz (sorry, Rachel, for stealing your character), Wicked, or anything else we may have stolen.

DEDICATION: To Emi and TK giggles like a maniac

Tom Riddle scoffed in disbelief. "Like hell I'm schizophrenic!"

_Does it really surprise you_, the voice that he called Voldemort replied. _I mean, we've gotta be insane to try and take over the world._

_Can we not?_ asked the voice he had called Henry. _Like seriously, what are we gonna do with the whole world?_

Tom shrugged. "Beats the hell outta me." And with that, he marched down the street from the Johnson, Pecker, & Winkie psychiatrist office, his voices walking behind them, one of them, Archibald, distributing leaflets to passer-bys, warning them of the danger of using possessed toothpaste.

"Lucius!" Tom gasped, "Did you just throw your cat?"

"Um," Lucius started. "No, Milord?"

Tom glared. "Don't lie to me you aristocratic, pompous, arrogant, blond son of a bitch."

Lucius blinked. "My lord, my only wish is to serve you."

Henry smirked. "All right then!" he screamed, throwing himself into a chair. "It's like Christmas, only it's July!"  
Lucius blinked again. "How may I serve you?"

Henry winked. "I'm sure we can work _something_ out."

"Hmmm," Lucius thought, scratching his beard that he had grown merely for this occasion, and from henceforth he doesn't have one, "Would you like some toast?"

"Yes," Henry commanded, "I would like some toast, but, I want you to get this toast…without clothes on!"

Lucius stripped off his clothes, exposing his pale toned body, causing Henry to growl.

"And!" Henry added, "You must have your cat on your head!"

Lucius blinked again. "I'm sorry my lord, I don't know where my cat is."

Tom grinned. "I knew you threw the cat!"

If Lucius was confused by the sudden change of demeanour in his master he did not show it. "Would you still like some toast?" he asked calmly.

Voldemort hissed. "No. I think we should call a Death Eater meeting. Right now. And Lucius?" he sneered and Lucius suddenly feared for his life. "Keep your clothes off."

"What the hell kinda mouse are you?" Fabala laughed at its animagus husband, Yero answered his darling husbride with a squeak, sending it into fits of laughter. With a cute little mousy hop, he transfigured himself back into his human form, his clothes long since discarded because he was a mouse, and mice don't fit in people clothes, they could theoretically fit into little mouse clothes, if one were to take enough time to make small little mouse clothes.

"Oh," Fabala grinned, "That kind of mouse" It leapt at her husband, pinning his naked form to the ground. Yero groaned, getting aroused, when his cellphone rang.

"God dammit," he swore, checking the caller ID. "I'm sorry, I need to take this."

Fabala glared, before turning and marching out the door, deciding it needed a stiff drink.

Lucius grinned lecherously at the assembled Death Eaters.

Henry stood before them. "We, once again, do not have enough money to make the apocalypse happen, and Voldemort—I mean I am very upset about that. So let's have a bake sale!"

The Death Eaters blinked.

"Well," Bellatrix murmured, stepping forward. "I have been known to make one hell of a bundt cake."

"Good," Henry cheered. Voldemort stepped forward. "I have also decided to start selling Lucius off as a whore. Any takers?"

Several hands were raised.

"Yes!" cried Henry, grinning widely.

"You'll all have to wait your turn, take Lucius into that room over there and leave a couple knuts outside." Voldemort ordered, the first costumer complying.

Archibald stepped forward, "And, as well as brining about the next apocalypse, we should also educate the world on the dangers of possessed toothpaste."

The Death Eaters blinked.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, or rather, out of a fourth story window, came a small tabby that landed with a thud on its feet, licked its privates, and walked off.

"Lucius!"

"Honestly, Draco, I really don't think he's gone. Things as evil and demented as Voldemort just don't disappear." Harry sighed, leaning against his husband.

"That's great, Harry," Draco replied offhandedly. "Did you read this, though? I swear, I may never use toothpaste again."

Tom threw himself on his bed.

Voldemort sighed. "I know this business is hard, but—"

"Oh no!" Tom screamed. "You better not even be thinking about a song!"

"Heart don't fail me now, courage don't desert me,

Don't turn back now that I'm here.

People always say life is full of choices, no one ever mentions fear

Or how the world can look so vast, on a journey to the past." Voldemort started.

"Home, love, family

There was once a time I must have had them too,

Home, love, family,

I will never be complete until I find you." Henry chimed in.

"One step at a time one foot then another, who knows where this road may go?

Back to who I was, on to find my future, things my heart just needs to knows

Yes, let this be a sign, let this road me mine," Archibald added, slightly out of tune.

"Let it lead me to my past.

And bring me home,

At last!" The three sang together, Tom rolling on the floor in the fetal position.

"Hey!" cried Fido, running to join the group. "Anastasia sing-a-long and no one invited me?"

Voldemort sighed heavily. "Who let the flamer out of the closet?"

Henry glared. "Well, I thought he might be lonely! Besides, he's the only one that can get us laid, anyhow."

The remaining four sighed at how sad this was.

Fido grinned. "Anyone up for strip poker?"

"Hey, look, it hit the table that time and made a noise!" Lucius cried, gleefully, laughing as his cat struggled to right itself.

"Lucius," Fido called seductively, inching towards the blond.

"Yes, my lord?" Lucius asked, bowing slightly.

"We need more money," Henry cut in. "I've gotten you another job."

"All right," Lucius replied. "Where?"

"You are the new receptionist for the Happy Farms butter company!"

"Oh, joy."

"Happy Farms Butter co, how may I help you?" Lucius listened for a minute. "Tough, lady. I'm sorry you're not happy with your butter but I'm not happy with my job!"

"Yero," Fabala smiled sweetly as he straddled her naked husband, "I want a baby."

"Ummm," He stammered, "How does that work?"

"I'm not sure," And with that, Fabala whipped out his cell phone to call her fathers. "Daddy, where do my babies come from?"

Draco glanced at Harry. "I think you should take this call. I'm gonna go get very, very drunk."

Fabala nodded. "All right, so all Yero has to do is….wait, really? Yes!" it cried and promptly grinned and fell asleep.

Yero grimaced. "Why do I suddenly get the feeling I'm going to be carrying the baby?"

Fred groaned as his twin moved on top of him, his fingers twisting the bright red hair of his brother George, whose head was currently bobbing up and down between the thin pale legs of his very slightly younger brother. Fred moaned loudly, and George groaned, his body twisting on the bed.

"My god!" Fred cried, "Next time, try not to glue your head to my sheets."

Severus Snape ran when he heard the commotion upstairs. He bolted into Lucius's room, expecting an intruder and instead found Tom Riddle. And Lucius. And the floor. In a very awkward position. They both looked up as he ran through the door.

"Don't mind me," he stuttered mildly. "I'll just be going to Obliviate myself, thanks." And promptly walked out of the room and into a wall.

"No." Yero stammered, "No, no, no, no, no"

"Please?" Fabala pleaded, pulling down its shirt in an attempt to placate her husband.

"There is no way in hell I'm giving birth."

"I'll give you a cookie."

"Do you honestly think that a mere cookie will change my mind?"

"A cookie and a blowjob?"

"Deal."

Fido grinned. "Strip Parcheesi?"


	2. Blink

"Honestly, Fido, I'm not quite sure you are supposed to put your fist up that."

"Just stop whining and bend those legs, it makes it easier, relaxes the muscles you know."

"I still think your fist shouldn't be there."

"Oh, you know you like it."

Just then, Tom entered, "Fido get your fist out of that turkey's ass!"

"Look what I can do with my wand!" Harry shouted, placing it on a piano, and playing "Marry Had a Little Lamb"

Draco sighed. "I was so hoping for Moonlight Sonata."

Yero glared. "Stupid huswife. Stupid sex. Stupid baby. I want a pickle!"

Fabala grinned. "Sure, darling."

"I'm gonna kill you."

"That's not very nice dear."

"I want French fries…with maple syrup."

Fabala blinked.

"And sex!" Yero added.

"Hopefully not at the same time as the French fries with maple syrup."

"Yes, the same time" And with that, the two went to the bedroom.

Lucius blinked. Severus was still talking. He blinked again. "Hey, Sev," he interrupted. "Wanna go have casual, meaningless sex with me?"

Severus shrugged. "Oh, all right. I guess."

Lucius grinned. "YAY!"

Lucius' cat was content to lick itself in the kitchen, its rough tongue running over its fine fur. It sat in middle of the tile floor, right in the centre of a Death Eater meeting, and they all looked somewhat uncomfortable as the cat began to lick its private bits, spending ample time as it spread its legs wide, showing off to the world that it, in fact, had not been fixed.

George moaned softy as he lay on his bed, his thin form strewn about the satin sheets, the long fingers of his brother tracing the lean torso of the boy on the bed, as his mouth surrounded his twin, coaxing a moan from him. Fred smiled to himself as he moved his head between his brother's legs; this time, he was not glued to anything.

George screamed as a cat came from nowhere, landed on Fred's back, licked himself, and left.

Tom grinned, sitting down before his Death Eaters. Henry laughed. "Guess what? We've managed to make ten thousand galleons! Yay! And Lucius can now finally quit his job at Happy Farms!"

Lucius fell to his knees. "Thank you god! I mean, thank you my lord."

Fido grinned. "And to celebrate we are planning a mass orgy!"

The Death Eaters blinked.

"All right," Lucius said with a grin.

Fido bit down on Henry's nipple, causing a soft moan to escape from the voice's lips. Henry wondered for a moment if voices actually had lips, but that thought was soon replaced as he felt Fido's hand grasp at his erection. Henry smiled as he felt Fido's hand move up and down, his nipples still being toyed with by Fido's teeth.

"Qu'es-ce que tu as tes menottes?" Henry a demandé.

"Voila!" Fido a souri.

"Pourqoui est-ce que nous parlons en français?"

"Because," Fido answered, "It's more romantic to talk about handcuffs in French."

Archibald glanced at Voldemort. "You know, I suppose we could—"

"No," Voldemort interrupted. "We really couldn't."

"But it might be fun," Archibald offered. "Fido and Henry do it all the time."

Voldemort glared. "Do I look like Fido or Henry?"

"Actually," Archibald started, but Voldemort had all ready stormed out.

"Fido, Henry!" he screamed. "The next time you guys want to have sex don't tell Archibald that you guys are playing twister!"

"Oh my god! It's retractable!"

"Harry, I want another baby," Draco whined, slumping into a chair.

"Alright," Harry agreed, "As long as you carry this one, I just now got my figure back after Xaviere."

"Fabala." Draco corrected.

"Right."

"Can we name the baby Timmy?" Draco asked.

"What if it's a girl?"

"Then it will be a girl named Timmy?"

"Draco…have you been eating mini muffins again?" Harry raised his eyebrow.

"Just a couple dozen." Draco admitted. "Want some? Then we can have mini muffin Timmy making sex!"

"Now that we have enough money to bring about the apocalypse," Voldemort told his Death Eaters, "We need a plan to actually do that thing."

"Lets sic baby Timmy on the world." Lucius suggested.

"Good idea my little mini muffin." Archibald patted Lucius on the head.

"Isn't that a little redundant?" Bellatrix asked.

"_Avada Kedavra!_" Fido shot at Bella, missed, and hit Lucius' cat.

Draco glanced at Harry. "Was it good for you?"

Fabala answered the phone politely. "Who the fuck is this?"

"Fabala, I need your help!" came the voice from the other end.

"Mom!" it exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

There was a sob. "Draco's running around the apartment singing 'I'm preggers' over and over again and I'm about to go insane!" Harry screeched.

Fabala sighed. "I'm sorry mom."

Yero sat up suddenly and started bouncing around the room. "I'm preggers! I'm preggers! I'm preggers!"

Fabala twitched. "I'm gonna kill dad."

Fido danced gracefully about the room, his arms held above his head in a circle, his legs tensed as he leapt and twirled, singing softly the tune of "Moonlight Sonata." He ran into a bookshelf, but righted himself elegantly and went back to his dancing when the door opened, Fido tripping over his feet and crashing to the ground.

"What were you doing?" Henry asked.

"Nothing." Fido barked.

"Why are you on the floor?"

"I was masturbating, with fake I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." Fido covered quickly. "They sell it at Happy Farms Butter Co."

Henry blinked.

Tom spread the yellow substance gingerly onto his toast. "I dunno," he said after taking a bite. "I really can believe that it's not butter."

(A/N Reasons: This is just for TK)

Dobby turned to face Winkie. "It was being good for Dobby. Was it being good for Winkie?"

Harry turned his head to the side, gawking. Hagrid stood next to him beaming. "Ain't they beauties?" he asked.

Harry looked again. He blinked. "Hagrid. Those are unicorns."

"Right they are!" Hagrid replied, grinning.

"Hagrid," Harry tried again. "Those are unicorns fucking."

Hagrid smiled as if he had never quite understood what was so wrong about that.

Harry sighed and decided to try one more time. "Hagrid, those are fucking unicorns tattooed on your—"

Draco walked in. "Hi, Harry!" he interrupted, then stopped when he saw the giant. He cocked his head to the side, gaping. "Hagrid. Those are unicorns."

Bellatrix walked into the room, wearing a suit and tie, her breasts mysteriously missing. The Death Eaters gasped as she walked past, and they stared at the large bulge in her trousers. She walked confidently towards Tom, who could only stare.

"Bella?" He asked.

"It's Bob now." Bella/Bob answered in a low voice.

"Bob Lestrange?" Tom gawked.

"Yes!" Bob said proudly, "Wanna see it? It's so much fun!"

"Sure!" Archibald clapped excitedly, as Bob reached into his pants.

"Lucius!" Tom yelled.

"Something wrong my lord?" Lucius asked, pulling his head from between his master's bare legs.

"Your cat!"

"Yes?"

"It's staring at me."

"It's dead master."

"Yes, I realized that." Tom sneered, "but now it's all stuffed, and it's really creeping me out.

Lucius picked up the cat and threw it out of the room.

"Lucius!"

Yero sighed. "I feel fat."

Fabala grinned. "That's because you look fat."

"Thanks," Yero sneered.

Fabala grinned again. "I'm being honest." It smiled. "What do you want for dinner?"

Yero grinned. "Ice cream!" he shouted. "And pasta!  
Fabala made a face. "Ew!" but it scurried off to the kitchen to make it.


	3. Wait, what?

Fido smiled, lying down beside Henry. "I love you." He whispered.

Henry grinned. "I would be happy if I didn't know that you were talking to the chocolate bar you are no doubt eating."

Fido laughed, placing the chocolate into his mouth. "You know me too well."

Tom Riddle closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. "Someone lock him back in the closet."

Fred lay on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet, as he had been all morning, and ever morning before that for a week. He had also gained four pounds, and had constant cravings, for foods such as French fries and maple syrup. He felt his once flat stomach that now was a little loose.

"Honey," George walked in, "Are you ok?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

Flying through the house on the back of a duck that clutched a taxidermied tabby, a 6 inch tall man dressed in a loincloth cried out: "I stole the kitty! I stole the kitty!"

Somewhere, Willow was sighing.

Fido winked at Lucius. "Was it good for you?"

Tom woke up. Blinked. Looked around, blearily. "I want French fries," he said decisively. "With maple syrup." He blinked. "Why the hell do I want that?"

Voldemort looked at Fido. "You got him so drunk he doesn't remember, does he?"

Fido shrugged, grinning.

Henry smiled as well. "I kinda wanna see how long it will take him to notice." He turned to Fido. "How'd you drug him, anyhow?"

Fido smirked. "Took a leaf outta ol' Archibald's book."

Archibald grinned wickedly. "Toothpaste?" he asked, hopefully.

Fido nodded. "Toothpaste."

Dumbledore paced in his office, bored out of his mind, mildly content to magic various items of furniture into dancing about, until he accidentally turned an end table full of bones evil, so he had to push it out the window.

Durning its long fall to the grounds of Hogwarts, the end table contemplated the complexities of its existence, and shortly before its collision, it decided that life was in fact worth living, because it had yet to enjoy the pleasures life had to offer, like french fries with maple syrup.

Dumbledore paced in a circle and threw out a random curse.

"Fred, come and look at this!" George screamed, pulling his twin out of the bathroom and out into the street.

Fred nearly threw up again at the smell. "What the hell is that?"

George grinned wickedly. "A dead whale and a bowl of petunias."

Fred grinned back. "That means that the heart of gold—" it landed.

George was beginning to be excited now. "And that means the crew—" they stepped out of the spaceship.

The twins looked at each other and both screamed, "Zephod!"

The galactic president winked at them. "Wanna stroke my ego?"

Dumbledore was happy a duck.

Henry patted his stomach as he addressed the Death Eaters, "I would like an Eggo, and not an off brand Eggo, but a real Eggo brand Eggo. The first one of you to bring me an Eggo, wins a prize."

The Death Eaters blinked, and stared at Bob Lestrange who was currently clutching a box of Eggos to his chest. Several Death Eaters had all ready run to the nearest convenience store.

"What?" he asked testily, handing the box to the Dark Lord. "I'm a wizard, how bout you?"

Narcissa beamed at him. "Think he's pregnant?" she hissed to her sisbrother.

Bob smiled, watching Henry place Eggos covered in ketchup in his mouth. "I think that would be a safe assumption."

"Windows, any size!" Draco gasped as he and Harry passed by a booth at a fair, "I want an any size window!"

Harry muttered something about Orcas and walked away, leaving Draco to stare in awe at the windows.

Jacques the vampire ran through the crowded streets of Rome, searching the faces for those of Harry and Draco, while, unbeknownst to him but knownst to us, they lay in England, otherwise occupied. He ducked into an old building when he saw a group of people approach him, carrying blueprints and cloth swatches.

As the renovators passed him, Jacques threw a pile of bricks at them, causing them to tumble to the ground, spontaneously combust, drown, and be shot in the head, though only the tumbling to the ground could truly be attributed to the pile of bricks.

"Harry, is that an Orca tattooed on your navel, doing a suspiciously suggestive dive down your pants?"

"Why, Draco, would that turn you on?"

Tom looked at his stomach. "I'm getting a beer belly. Dear god, I have a beer belly! Voldemort!"

"What?" Voldemort asked, eyeing Tom.

"Make the beer belly go away!"

Voldemort raised an eyebrow. "What kind of wizard are you?"

"The really, really, lazy kind." Tom grinned.

Lucius ran in. "Oh my god, you're pregnant!"

Henry grinned. "You owe me twenty galleons, Fido!" he cried.

Fido sighed. "He really didn't get it until Lucius told him?" he whined, pulling money out of his pocket.

Henry grinned, sticking out his hand to catch the money.

Archibald walked by, shaking his head. "Stupid toothpaste."

Tom gripped at Voldemort's skin, groaning lowly as his limbs shook. Voldemort fell on top Tom, grinning madly as their warm bodies collided. Shuddering with cold, Tom smiled and motioned to the window, Voldemort rolled his eyes, closed the window, and walked back to the bed, hopeful that Tom would be placated now that the balmy 74 degree weather was no longer making him cold.

"Thanks love." Tom smiled, pulling at Voldemort to rejoin him on the bed; the two began to move when Tom stopped, "Honey," He whined, "could you open the window, I'm hot."

Draco rubbed his stomach. "Can we name it Paris?" he asked after a moment.

Harry stopped rubbing along the length of his new, Orca tattoo. "What if it's a boy?"

"Then it's a boy named Paris?" Draco said, raising his eyebrow.

"Don't you think it's a bit of a wussy name?" Harry asked, tracing the tattoo again.

"No," said Draco. "I like it."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Well then."

"Naturally."

"Can we just have sex?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

Jacques ran away, frightened from the newly dead renovators, looking desperately for Harry and Draco, and asking in broken Italian for toast, thinking he was asking for an airport. After being directed to several breakfast restaurants, he gave up, had some toast, and flew off to England.

"Ow."

"Sorry."

"Don't say sorry."

"Sorry, what would you like me to say?"

"I wouldn't like you to say anything; I'd like you to get rid of the damn tea kettle!"

"The tea was your idea."

"Yes, but you weren't supposed to make it like _that_!"

"I'm sorry, but your instructions weren't very clear."

"Would you like a diagram next time?"

"Yes thank you that would help."

"Well then, I'll draw you a diagram next time, but one would hope you've learned not to stick the tea kettle in the toaster."

"Harry," Draco called. "Your orca is winking at me!"

George sighed, rubbing his belly. "I hate being pregnant."

Fred grinned, rubbing his own. Then stopped. "If it's blond, or looks anything like Zephod you are so dead."

Lucius grinned, poking Henry's stomach. Henry hissed. "I will kill you."

Yero looked down at his growing stomach, desperately trying to see his toes, and upon failing, he looked in the mirror, sighing at his lost figure. He decided to call his adopted dad/father in law, for emotional support, but then he remembered trying to toast the phone after he got mad at it, so he threw some flu powder into the fire, and appeared in Draco's bedroom.

"Hey dad."

"Yero!" Draco shrieked, covering his completely nude body in a sheet.

"This a bad time?"

"Not really, I was just tidying up."

"Without clothes?"

"None of my clothes fit me anymore." Draco pouted.

"Doesn't dad have any maternity clothes left?" Yero asked.

"I'm not wearing a circus tent!" Draco scoffed, "I'm just retaining water."

"You're retaining a foetus dad."

"I'm not retaining a foetus, I'm temporarily housing one."

"You're pregnant."

"Yes."

"So wear maternity robes, I am."

"Yes well, I'm not wearing maternity clothes, I don't need them." Draco replied proudly.

"So you're just going to walk around naked then?"

"Yes."

"What does dad think about this?"

"He rather likes it I should think."


	4. Twinkies

Bob grinned, bowing at Tom's feet. "You called me, my lord?"

"Yes," Tom paused, eyeing him. "Bob. I did call you. Lucius and I got into a fight and I'm in desperate need of a blowjob."

Bob shrugged. "Okay."

Fido spread his legs slowly, eyeing Bob, and Bob kneeled, blinking, placing his hands on the inside of the Dark Lord's thighs. His hands quickly opened the Dark Lord's thighs and removed Henry's cock from the confines of his pants. Archibald gasped, muttering under his breath.

Bob slowly, placed his lips around the head of Fido's erection, sucking the tip hard. Henry nearly cried out, gripping his throne. Bob removed his mouth, blowing on the Dark Lord's length.

He dragged his tongue along the underside of Voldemort's erection, the seated man whimpering.

"I said blowjob, not teasing session," Voldemort hissed. Bob smiled, entirely unapologetically, and engulfed the entirety of Tom's hard on in his mouth. Tom gurgled, grabbing at Bob's head to lead his motions.

"Better," he hissed through tight lips, fingers gripping tighter as Bob sucked in his cheeks, causing Henry to groan. "God, I love this job."

Fred poked George. "Get up; Zephod's come back for a visit."

George grinned. "Did he try the 'I'm from space' line?"

Fred grinned back. "Naturally. I told him he may have gotten you pregnant and then he remembered us."

George laughed. "Naturally."

From the door, Zephod blinked. "Sex?"

Draco laid on his bed, naked because none of his clothes fit anymore, when the window flew open, Jacques the vampire flying in after the showers of broken glass. Draco screeched and threw a throw pillow at Jacques, who ducked, and watched the pillow fly out the window, and land in front of a bus, which swerved, and hit a pigeon, which promptly spontaneously combusted.

"I need to talk to you." Jacques said calmly.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Draco spat, too startled to cover himself.

"Jacques, I believe we met a while ago."

"Oh, right, I remember." Draco sighed, "What's shakin' bacon?"

"Nothing but the butter." Jacques answered causing a quizzical look to be drawn across Draco's face.

Yero glared at his stomach. "Get born all ready," he hissed at it.

Fabala walked in. "Hello, Yero," it said with a smile. It did a double take. "Why aren't you wearing any clothes?"

Henry looked at Fido, spooned next to him. "You know, if we had our own bodies, I think I might decide to be in love with you."

Fido moaned in his sleep, snuggling back into Henry's arms.

"Good night, Fido." he whispered, closing his eyes.

"Night," Fido whispered back, once he was sure that Henry was good and sleeping.

"Hey Voldemort, why don't I ever get laid?" Archibald asked, calmly sipping a cup of coffee.

"Because you're boring."

"Well you look like a snake."

"I _am_ part snake."

"And people find that hot?"

"Apparently."

"Hey Voldie?"

"What?"

"Can I be part snake, too?"

"No."

"You've got to be joking." Draco stared at Jacques.

"Nope, I'm sorry."

"You've really got to be kidding me."

"No, it's true."

"I can't believe it."

"I couldn't either."

"They're really discontinuing Twinkies?"

"Yeah," Jacques sighed, "something about them causing schizophrenia in people named Tom."

Tom slowly ate a Twinkie, now that he had saved up enough points for it.

"Hi!" A small boy sitting cross legged waved, "I'm Bunny, will you be my friend?"

"Damn," Tom swore, "Not another one."

Archibald grinned. "So, Bunny, what are your opinions on toothpaste?"

Bunny shuddered.

Archibald nearly jumped. "Wanna have sex?"

Bunny nodded emphatically. "Sure!"

Fred looked at George.

George looked at Fred.

"You mean-?"

"I think so. So then-?"

"Naturally. Which means-"

"Oh obviously. Do you think we can-?"

"Unlikely. Well, Fred, it's been nice knowing you."

"You too, George. You, too."

They straightened up and knocked on the door. "Hi mum," they muttered sheepishly.

Bunny ran about the room, angrily clutching a piece of paper, his eyes clenched tightly shut, surprising he only ran into the bookshelf three times. Tom, Henry, Fido, Archibald, and Voldemort sat in chairs sipping tea as the new voice ran around them.

"Who stole my purple crayon?" Bunny demanded for the four hundred and thirty second time, "I can't draw my purple orca without my purple crayon and it's missing!"

"Look over there Bunny," Tom pointed, "a clever distraction!"

"Your little mind games wont work on—Ooooh! It's shiny!"

"This is why I don't go out in the sun." Yero whined, looking at his legs, "I get all purple and peely."

Bunny smiled, drawing in big loops. "Pika pika pika pika!" he shouted, his eyes glinting.

Henry grinned. "Yes, you are right, Bunny. It is quite shiny."

Fido blinked. "I think we should add a disclaimer for Gravitation at this point."

Henry smiled and nodded.

Dumbledore was shunned by the other ducks. He tried to quack again. "Honk!" suddenly a very pretty swan named Penny showed up and asked him for some help. He grinned. He was a happy duck again.

Lucius picked up his cat from where the duck dropped it and started to stroke it softly, and he began to mindlessly nibble on its ear. And upon realizing that he was in fact, nibbling on the ear of a dead cat, he threw it into the next room.

"Lucius!" Tom called.

"Tom," called Voldemort. "We have decided that you need to learn to use more magic, regularly."

Tom sighed. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to end in song?"

Voldemort smiled, and began singing, "Impossible, for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a gold carriage

Impossible, for a plain country bumpkin and a prince to join in marriage

And four white mice will never be four white horses

Such fol de rol and fiddly dee of course is—"

Henry joined in. "Impossible

But the world is full of zanies and fools

Who don't believe in sensible rules

And won't believe what sensible people say

And because these daft and dewy eyed dopes

Keep building up in possible hopes—"

Archibald joined the other two with, "Impossible things are happening every day!"

Voldemort grinned, "Impossible,"

Henry sang again, "Impossible,"

Archibald grinned, "Impossible,"

Bunny grinned manically and joined in, surprisingly well, "Impossible,"

Fido grinned in a similar manner to Bunny, "Impossible,"

All five together, "Impossible!"

Tom nearly started crying.

Bunny was just plain scary as he sang, "It's possible, for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage,

It's possible for a plain country bumpkin and a prince to join in marriage

And four white mice are easily turned to horses

Such fol de rol and fiddly dee of course is,

Quite possible!"

Fido was lying down lazily, obviously enjoying Tom's pain as he belted, "For the world is full of zanies and fools

Who don't believe in sensible rules

And won't believe what sensible people say

And because these daft and dewy eyed dopes

Keep building up in possible hopes

Impossible things are happening every day!"

Voldemort was trying to not laugh. "It's possible!"

Henry was also badly hiding chuckles. "It's possible!"

Archibald had adopted Bunny's grin. "It's possible!"

Bunny was now twitching. "It's possible!"

Fido was pointing at Bunny and laughing, making his words very hard to understand! "It's possible!"

Tom glared, and muttered, "It's fucking possible."

The five grinned wildly and belted as loud (and consequently as bad) as they could. "It's possible!"


	5. Lots of Gophers

The white cat with a little crescent moon on its forehead, walked slyly up to Lucius. "Excuse me. Have you seen a black cat, similar markings to mine, named Luna?"

Lucius blinked. He looked into the room where his dead cat now lay. He blinked again. "Ummmm….maybe?"

The cat twitched. "Well have you?"

Lucius blinked. "Am I high?"

The cat, named Artemis, huffed. "I couldn't begin to tell you."

"Then yes, that sounds like my cat. She's dead." Lucius blinked again.

"Ah. All right then." Artemis hissed and walked away, muttering about stupid blonds and who the hell was going to raise the damn kitten, Diana, now?

A fat, middle aged duck took a lung full of air to sing a song, and as he reached a note that most likely doesn't actually exist, Dumbledore fell from a tree that he was trying to take off of, and landed smack dab on top of the duck, crushing his duck like head.

Bunny sat colouring a pretty picture for his new friend Archibald, when his purple crayon was found missing still, and upon discovering this, he threw himself onto the floor and started to roll about, pounding his fists and crying uncontrollably, when a duck came flying through the room, bearing the previously mentioned 6 inch tall man, who was now crying "I want toast!"

"I have a plan!" Draco cried, "so I wont have to have any pain of childbirth."

"Yes?" Harry asked.

"Well, back home, we have a lot of gophers."

"And?"

"That's all I have so far."

Tom glared at the bottle of aspirin. "I hate you," he hissed. "I hate you, you bastard bottle. I need aspirin. You cannot be out."

Bunny was belting a song known only by Gravitation fans, called Spicy Marmalade. It was loud. He didn't care. He knew Tom did, but he also didn't care about that. He decided he would sing until someone found him a crayon.

Tom was weeping.

The fox demon blinked. "Bunny?" he asked again, hesitantly.

Archibald nodded. "And I need to seduce him."

Kurama raised an eyebrow. "All right. Why me?"

Archibald shrugged. "Dunno. You're a whore and you happened to be here?"

Kurama sighed. "There was a time before the age of gay fangirls with too much time on their hands when I was a dignified warrior and was not a slut. I remember those days."

Somewhere, Hiei was grumbling.

Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a little girl dreamed of going over the rainbow, her song was, however, interrupted by a 6 inch tall man riding on the aged head of a man who was honking desperately. She decided that this side of the rainbow was strange enough and ate some toast.

Fred and George stood before their mother who eyed them suspiciously.

"What did you do now?"

"Who actually."

"What?"

"Who," Fred corrected, "Who did we do now."

"And," George added, "not only who did we do now, but who did we _make_ now."

"My god." Molly frowned.

"Yes well, as to who we did now," Fred smiled nervously, "that would be each other."

"And who we made," George chimed in "would be interestingly enough, at least fraternal twins because as you know, Fred and I are genetically identical."

Molly needed to throw something.

Harry rippled his abs, laughing as the Orca seemed to dive into his pants, although it didn't actually move. Draco rolled his eyes.

"You know," Harry whispered seductively. "Some people find tattoos romantic."

"Yes," Draco replied, slowly. "Some people also find you charming. I've never seen it."

Harry made an affronted noise. "I resent that!"

Draco sneered. "Feel free. Get me fries. Then we're having sex."

Harry thought about it for six seconds. "Ohtay."

Fido stroked Henry's hair, watching the other man sleep. "Night, 'Ry," he murmured, snuggling against him.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Get a room."

Yero patted his growing stomach, and he began to slowly dance around the room. "I feel pretty,

Oh so pretty,

I feel pretty and witty and bright!"

Just then, Fabala entered the room, and Yero threw himself onto the bed and pretended to be masculine, which, with his upbringing consisted of posing seductively on the satin sheets.

Henry kissed Fido gently, running his fingers softly through the dark hair, his eyes slowly fluttering shut. Fido wrapped his arms around Henry's thin waist, his eyes also closing, his mind drifting in and out of consciousness as he lay in Henry's arms.

"Dammit!" Tom bellowed, "I have to pee again!"

Lucius looked at himself in the mirror. He threw up. He looked at himself again. "There. Is. No. Way. In. Hell."

Voldemort sighed. "I'm sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant," he sighed again, placing his head in his hands.

"And what if it looks like a snake?" Tom raged, pacing. "And what if it doesn't look at all like me? And what if I was actually in love with him, you twit?"

"I'm sorry," Voldemort hissed, slamming his head into the table.

"I hate you!" Tom shrieked. "I wish I had my own fucking body!"

Tom's fairy godmother suddenly appeared. "Tay."

Six very surprised men found themselves lying naked on the floor. "Umm…what?" they collectively mumbled.

Draco lay on the bed, still naked; Harry sleeping next to him, "Honey," Draco woke Harry up.

"Wha?" Harry replied lazily.

"I think it's time."

Harry leapt up and grabbed the prepacked suitcase, "all right! To Saint Mungo's!"

"No," Draco said, "It's time for an Eggo."

"Sex?" Fido asked Henry.

"Sex." Henry answered.

"Sex?" Archibald asked Bunny.

"Crayon." Bunny answered, pointing to the empty space in the crayon box where purple should be.

Suddenly with a pop a little girl with blond hair in loose braids, a tye-dyed shirt, pyjama pants and a Barbie appeared. "Hi," she said brightly. "I'm your inner child!"

Tom dropped the other half of the twinkie to the floor.

Tom stood in front of the people sitting in circle of folding chairs, "I just wanted to have us all here so I could keep straight who all is pregnant here. So why don't we all go around and say our names and whose baby we're pregnant with. I'm Tom; I'm pregnant with Lucius' baby."

"I'm Lucius, I'm pregnant with I think Tom's baby."

"Ish…" Tom added.

Henry blushed, burying his head in Fido's chest. "He's Henry, I'm Fido, it's mine," Fido offered with a shrug.

Bunny blinked. "Meow?"

Archibald sighed. "Bunny. Archibald. He's pregnant."

Draco beamed, still not wearing any clothes. "I'm pregnant with Harry's baby!" he cried. "Shame there's a twenty year age difference between this baby and it's….it." Harry sighed.

Fred and George both grinned. "Fred and George," they both chorused. "It's his."

Yero mumbled. Fabala rolled it's eyes. "Yero, Fabala."

Yero glared. "I'm carrying it's baby."

Tom quirked an eyebrow. "Don't you think calling your husband an 'it' is a bit rude."

Yero glared some more. "It is an it."

Fabala lifted it's skirt.

Tom gaped. "Oh."

"Draco?" Bunny asked.

"Yes?"

"You're penis makes me laugh."

"Was that a question?"

"It's funny," Bunny giggled, "In a cute stuffed animal kind of way."

Rachel, the little girl, grinned. "Show me magic?"

Voldemort glared. "No."

Dumbledore honked indignantly.

The six inch man hiccupped, drinking more beer.

Bob whistled in boredom.

Jacques coughed, looking out the window.

Voldemort sighed. "I need sex."

Tom slowly bit the Twinkie, looking around to see if anyone was about to suddenly appear. No one did. He chewed happily.

He looked like Lucius. He was tall, blond, regal, hot, and staring evilly at Voldemort.

"Hi," he murmured. "Name's Luca."

"Voldemort," Voldemort responded, bowing.

Luca bowed back. "Evil?"

"Definitely," Voldemort said with a nod.

"Sex?" Luca asked, smiling stunningly.

Voldemort sighed. "I think I'm in love."

Draco blinked.

"Well then," Tom broke the somewhat awkward silence, "refreshments are over there, then."

Yero was the first at the table, and he helped himself to a generous portion of French fries with maple syrup.

Bunny sat on the kitchen floor as Archibald poured the pink mixture into his hair.

"You're sure this is ok for the baby?" Henry asked.

"Yeah." Bunny answered, "The baby will be happier if I have pink hair."

"I really like these rubber gloves," Archibald commented, "They make me feel important."

"I like a man in rubber." Bunny smiled, the room blinked, "I'm sorry, it's the pregnancy."

"I'm not commenting on men in rubber." Henry said.

"That's because," Bunny paused before suddenly screaming "YOU STOLE MY PURPLE CRAYON YOU CRAYON STEALING TUTRLE BASTARD!"


	6. Crispy Oats

Somewhere above the many voices that previously occupied Tom Riddle's head, Remus looked at Sirius. "If I wasn't dead all ready I would kill myself," he whined, watching them fail at dying Bunny's hair.

Sirius winced. "I know what you mean."

Voldemort sneered, turning to Luca. "Was it good for you?"

Severus Snape sighed. "Fuck. Someone tell me I didn't get spontaneously pregnant again."

Luca sighed. "God damn!" he cried. "I'm pregnant!"

Voldemort blinked. "Is that incest? Because technically we were created by the same person."

Luca looked thoughtful. "No," he said after a moment. "It's like. If you believe God created everyone, then it's kinda incestuous, but not really."

Voldemort didn't understand. He nodded. "Makes sense." It didn't.

Luca smiled. It faded. "Shit! I'm pregnant!"

"Oh! Crispy Oats!"

"Happy Farms Butter co, how may I help you?" Lucius answered the phone.

"Lucius?" Tom said into the other line.

"Oh sorry, repressed memory coming through there."

"Does that happen often?"

"No, but it might randomly pop up sometimes because it might be amusing to some screwed up people."

"I see that, now Lucius I-"

"No daddy no! Not the oregano!"

The 6 inch tall man decided he needed a name because it took too much work to repeatedly say "the 6 inch tall man" now that he has appeared more than once. He stood atop his flying duck, his hands on his hips, and he proudly shouted:

"I am Froderick!"

Simultaneously Fred, George, Tom, Draco, and Yero's waters broke. Because of a sudden, odd burst of people in St. Mungo's, all five found themselves occupying the same room with their spouses.

After a ridiculously long time that I do not feel like writing, Draco and Harry held Paris, a beautiful baby it.

Fred and George held each others, red haired twins girls Elaina and Iris.

Tom handed Lucius their baby boy named Cameron.

Yero poked the green YY baby they had somehow conceived. Fabala shrugged. "Liir?" He shrugged back.

6 MONTHS LATER

Due to another extremely odd and pointless rush of people, Henry, Bunny, Lucius, Luca and Severus all found themselves in the same room. Eventually, they all had babies.

Henry smiled, passing Janie to Fido who cooed at her affectionately.

Bunny almost threw Shuichi, their little boy, at Archibald, but Archie stopped him.

Lucius was holding Cameron and handed their slightly green YY baby named Rosie to Tom.

Luca and Voldemort were cooing over Bavmorda.

Severus sighed, holding Zade in his arms. "Why do I have the feeling this is the pointless intro into a fic of Reasons, in which I all ready have a baby named Zade?" he glared.

Somewhere, Reasons for Laughing was cackling, knowing that Zade really was entirely for her newly planned fic.

Bunny eyed his new pets excitedly, an entire herd of ostriches.

"I'm going to name them Alfredo."

"All of them?" Archibald asked.

"Yes."

Everyone blinked.

"Well except that one," Bunny pointed at a particularly unattractive ostrich with odd purple feathers, "I'm naming that one Voldemort."

"You can't name an ostrich after me!" Voldemort protested.

Just then, Froderick came flying by on his duck, which now clutched little baby Shuichi crying "I stole the baby!"

THE END!

Needle: Well, we successfully completed the sequel, and eventually, I learned how to spell sequel, next time, I'm going to tackle "eventually"

Reasons: And maybe punctuation, too. Won't that be fun?...Wait, that's the end? THAT'S the END? What the fuck? There. Now it's 'M' entirely for my shitty language. And I was planning to put a crack in about Vegeta-Sei. . Wow. Let's not. Hope you enjoyed. No, actually, I hope you stopped reading at chapter…hell, I hope you never found this. Have a nice life!

Needle: And remember, eat your happy farms butter!

NOTE: No animals or fiction characters were hurt during the making of this fic. This fic has no association with Reasons for Laughing. Good day.


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